Lessons from the MLB

The 2009 Sports Drought period, as always, has me watching more baseball than i really care to, so in honor of that, here are some lessons that I have learned from the MLB.

1.) If you get caught breaking the rules...deny it and play dumb.



Whenever a baseball player gets caught up in the steroid or "performance enhancing" supplement spider web. THere is always this long drawn out conversation about the same topics: Is his success tainted? Should He be allowed to play? If this guy was using performance enhancing drugs...how many others are there? Then there is the standard apology that pretty much goes like this:

"I was unaware of what I was taking. It was a careless decision. I want to apologize to my teammates and the fans. I am an idiot and I want to put this behind me."

Then everybody forgets about until the next guy gets caught. Enough is Enough! Why don't we just assume that everybody has taken some form of illegal substance, schedule periodic drug tests, and shut the f*ck up about it.

#2.) When somebody tells you something that you don't like or agree with...run over to them, get as close to thier face as you possibly can...and SCREAM at them until you either pass out from anger, or until they agree with you.



Professional Baseball is the only sport where it is acceptable..I'm sorry expected for the manager to run up to the umpire and scream at him when he makes a call that he doesn't agree with. And even though it never works, they still come back and do it again. And these shouting matches go on entirely too long. especially when the umpire gets fed up and starts to shout back. If I was a fan, I would be pissed. Because not only is the game being delayed because 2 grown men are yelling at each other, but I don't even get to hear what they are saying. There are most likely some high quality insults and threats in that barrage, and I don't even get to Hear? Oh hell no! You two bastards better shake hands and work that sh*t out...or get mic'd up so we can hear.

And this has actually inspired me. I think I am going to invent a sport using all of my "favorite" aspects of the major professional sports. Here's are all of the factors that will ensure that my sport will be a success...



1. Hockey Fights
2. MLB Manager/Umpire arguments.
3. MLB steroid use/half-assed apology.
4. Riotous Soccer Fans.



5. NFL-style play challenges.
6. Players Fighting fans (As seen in the NBA.)
7. WNBA Salaries
8. Commissioner Vernon Maxwell.

I guess there will be a ball of some sort, but given the other ingredients, I can't imagine a ball having any productive use outside of throwing it at the fan's faces. I also need to come up with a name. Something that really captures the essence of this great sport...Hmmmmmmmmm